Hash Trash MountainBeers Trail 79 – Haunted Trail by Free Sexx Cock Fight and Virgin hare Majid led us through the haunted forest on a frighteningly shitty trail. On-Out The night began innocently enough, but it would not remain so for long. As per usual, we spent an inordinate amount of time pre-lubing at Gene’s Beer Garden waiting for trail to start. The Raunchy Reverend hosted his world-famous Glow-Cock Ring-Toss carny game. The first several contestants couldn’t get their rings over Reverend’s massive tip. Hogtied finally won the game by applying the first ring with her mouth. LiqHer Hard also proved that he knows his way around the Reverend’s crotch, scoring three out of three on his first try. Jesus arrived late to the party, proving that he can, in fact, go hashing. On-out was called, but not before Jesus got to second base with Sister Flatus.
The first leg of the trail wasn’t very far away, but some over-enthusiastic hounds decided to give us some extra r*nning. These racists ran a half-mile past the false trail along White Avenue. We backtracked another half-mile and almost got eaten by a giant Rottweiler entering the woods.
Beer Near #1
The MountainBeers learned a great deal during the first beer stop. NFHN Nick taught us an important lesson about the afterlife. When you defile someone’s furniture by having sex on top of it, the owner’s eternal soul becomes enslaved to you in the afterlife. The Raunchy Reverend prayed to the heavens for guidance on the matter. Jesus promptly confirmed the ancient Defilement Right of Bondage. After these important life lessons it was time for on-out. The hounds quickly downed their Keystone Enlightenment with enthusiasm and began the uphill battle to inebriation.
The hounds continued along the woods and up the steep hills of South Park. The thick brush drew blood from more than one hasher. I’m still picking off briars a week later. The climb was well worth the effort. At the peak of South Park, just behind the slip ‘n slide of old, was the entrance of Haunted Forest. A mysterious voice greeted us at the entrance warning us of our impending doom. Onward!
Ghosts, goblins, and werewolves wandered freely about as we journeyed through the woods. The hashers huddled together, stepping over the human remains and thick spider webs littering the dirt pathways. The second beer near was located in a small ravine surrounded by three large mounds. The MountainBeers continued to drink enlightenment while Sister Flatus and Jesus watched in judgment - perched atop the highest mound. Satan took advantage of the distraction and snuck up behind the happy couple. He won a round of King of the Mountain and began his evil reign over the second beer near.