Friday, February 28, 2014

Trail 47 - Mardi Gras Hash

Hash Trash
MountainBeers Trail 47 - Mardi Gras Hash
by Baby Lube

Alright Wankers and Bimbos, since almost the whole lot of you missed it(shame), here's some hash trash for Friday's R*n.
The run started at Brew Pub, and had an extended pre-lube before chalk talk. The hares for the week were ReSquirtle and NFHN Robin, and the Mardi Gras turnout was a bit small. Looking around the room, the first thing I noticed was that we had the same number of virgin hounds as experienced ones; there were only three named runners following the trail! So after a few pitchers we went out for a very necessary Chalk Talk, and got all the Virgins informed on what to expect. Everything went smoothly there and we went back inside to give our hares a head start on what we were told would be an exceptionally long trail.
We all polished off the last of the brew, then took off quite leisurely after the hares. Across the Westover bridge, we encountered our first Witchey Ways (which were not discussed in Chalk Talk, Ahem Ahem), and had to search a bit for the correct trail, which went on a very pretty scenic road by the river. This is where we found our first BN (all hail the brewgods!!). After a wee bit o' drinking and some pleasantly lewd conversation, we moved back to the road to play a game of Pop-the-balloon-on-your-partner's-ass to have a nice even test of everyone's giving and taking abilities, and got ready to head out.
This is where the trail got long. We got a bit tired. We got a bit lost. There was so much trail between marks that we thought the hares were just out to fuck us, and the even camels we'd brought along got thirsty for a beer near! We stopped running. We started walking, and whining. In true hasher fashion, however, we kept up the trail and after much up and down hill, many twists and turns, and much bitching, we finally made it out to the next beer stop past the McDonalds in Westover. There was a nice little amphitheater concession stand for us to stop and hide from the wind (after everyone invaded McDonalds, of course), where we had our second beer near which included some Burnett's Whippy. Flatus misplaced his cock and NFHN Kay her glasses, so while we took off and Kay and Wyld Stalyn went back for said objects... cops.
So. In case anyone's missing the theme here I'll spell it out: Hashing + Westover = cops. They were, once again, nice, patient, and forgiving, but did say quite clearly that this would be our last warning for quite some time so, let's avoid the area for a while, eh? After a brief conversation about being in public parks after dark and the public drinking they ASSUMED we were doing (they're onto us, guys!), they sent us on our merry way and asked us not to return. "Yes sir, thank you sir".
From there it was more-or-less a straight shot Back to ReSquirtle's place for circle, down-downs, shenanigans and cupcakes (GREAT cupcakes!!), and an exchange of beads for Mardi Gras. Hot Todd's were Hott Toddies available, and 80's music reigned supreme.
ReSquirtle got a beer-bath during a down-down, and NFHN Robin and I earned some beads (Mardi Gras only comes once a year!). The virgins were officially hashers and circle dissipated calmly. In the end, good time was had by all, and I hope to see all our virgins again! Shame on all of you who missed it!

Friday, February 14, 2014

Trail 45 - Bloody St. Valentine's Day Massacre

Hash Trash
MountainBeers Trail 45 - Bloody St Valentine's Day Massacre
by Baby Lube

I've been a bit lax in my Hash Trash, so here's a start, and y'all feel free to fill in the blanks.
On Friday the 14th, we had the best damn Valentine's day hash of the year! We only got the cops called on us once (or three time), and they only managed to catch us twice. Regardless, they were awesomely understanding, so kudos to them!
The night started off at Brew Pub, with an amazing amount of hounds, hares(4 hares!!), enthusiasm, and VIRGINS! We had a little chalk talk, and then the hares (NFHN Danielle, GOP, On Her Knees, and myself) disappeared into the unknown to do that whole haring thing.
Apparently there were problems with the dead trail disappearing into the snow, and being confused with salt, etc, and everyone just HAD to bitch about it. So, with the group of hares bellowing for "more marks", it suddenly turned into a live trail, unexpectedly as On Her Knees and I tried to compensate for Mother Nature's lack of respect for this, the most awesome of pastimes. Things went pretty well, though, and we even made it all the way through the first Beer Near before getting the cops called on us the first time!
But... They didn't actually catch us until after the first bottle of liquor, cooler full of warm and delicious spiked hot cocoa (anyone wanna post that recipe?), and (very thankfully!!) the first game were finished. Congrats for an "exceptional showing" go to Liq 'er Hard and Wild Stallion, who easily managed first place in this adventurous competition!
Apparently the reds and blues started flashing just after we hares departed, and (again, thankfully) after everyone was clothed! It sounds like the two cars/three cops that showed up may have been a bit excessive, but as always, we had some silver tongued devils in our midst and working in our favor who managed to explain the group's obvious drinking, less-obvious fake blood, and semi-nerve-wracking (from an officer's standpoint at least) gun-shaped bulges in everyone's pockets away to the point that a stern warning was the most of everyone's warning.
After the beer was finished and the cops had said their piece, the hares resumed trail, only to follow flowers through a relatively shiggy part of snowy woodland to the next section of road. At this point, I want to include a special congratulations to our VIRGINS who made it through. If the sights you had seen so far, the games you had played, the cops you had met, and that hill didn't scare you away, congrats! You might just be hasher material! It was (we thought) a relatively simple run to NFHN Danielle's house from here, and we all reconvened for some flip-cup and special treats. Y'all know what I'm talking about. However, about five minutes after the group arrived we realized we were missing Flatus and a VIRGIN (FOLLOW THE TRAIL, NOT THE HASHERS), but this was easily remedied, and everyone managed to find it in the end.
It was around this point where us hares decided we may have gone overboard. Looking around the room, we realized almost no one was managing to play flip cup properly (in Morgantown of all places), and it may be time to get where we were going sooner rather than later.
I should point out that we had another game planned, more rules with the fake blood filled squirt guns, and that flip-cup was intended to be two out of three. That, we decided, was unlikely to happen at this point.
So, again, On Her Knees and I took off and laid trail back to her place, where we had a nice campfire, some pizza, and MOST OF (did we ever finish??) Circle. Also, another visit from our friendly law enforcement friends, who were responding to a fire complaint. They once again showed their lovely sense of humor, were very chill (can't emphasize their nondickishness enough), and simply asked us to put out the fire and not drive home in our current state. Very reasonable.
All in all, I think a good time was had by most, we didn't lose anyone (except a couple VIRGINS who wimped out, and pfft anyway), and no real trouble was had. What more could you ask for with that much sloppiness?
As an ending note, this is my first attempt at Hash Trash! Tell me where and how I fucked up, what I forgot, and how to improve! However, don't go too hard on me! (maybe use some Baby Lube?)